Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 11

Saving Private Ryan (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) ABC celebrates Veteran's Day with an uncut screening of Steven Spielberg's World War II epic. I'll say this for the film, it certainly gives you an eye-opening view of what portions of that war must have looked like. Not a fun piece of dinnertime viewing, exactly, but a pretty fitting salute to grandpa anyway.

Friday 12

“Untold” (Spike 7 p.m.) Spike TV's new celebrity documentary series starts off on a high note with an hour-long look at NFL announcer/goofball Terry Bradshaw's struggle with depression. What's next up? Gallagher's battle against impotence?

Saturday 13

“The True Story of Alexander” (History 7 p.m.) Here's a chance to bone up on your historical facts before you go check out Oliver Stone's Alexander starring a well-coiffed Colin Farrell, which hits theaters on Wednesday.

Sunday 14

“The 32nd Annual American Music Awards” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Jimmy Kimmel crawls out of the late–night basement to host this year's musical celebration. Jon Bon Jovi will be getting this year's “Award of Merit,” which pretty much tells you the quality of the evening's fare.

Category 6: Day of Destruction (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) CBS rips into Sweeps Month with a two-night mini-series about a killer storm destroying Chicago. It's basically The Day After Tomorrow with a much smaller budget. Even so, disaster movies are cool. Only problem is, I'm going to Chicago for Christmas. Way to make me paranoid CBS.

Monday 15

“The Swan” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) Let's see, how can we make this show crueler and more degrading. … How about we have two unhappy sisters unknowingly compete against one another for a slot on the show?

Tuesday 16

“The Biggest Loser” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Wanna know who the biggest loser really is? NBC's ridiculously expensive and terribly unfunny CGI series “Father of the Pride,” which is being swept under the rug for the all-important Sweeps ratings period. Dull-ass reality series “The Biggest Loser” gets expanded to a full 90 minutes this month to fill the gap! Imagine: an hour and a half of people dieting each week! … Oh wait. Doesn't that make viewers the biggest losers?

“House” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) Finally! After a season of gratingly awful reality shows, FOX finally finds room for something that doesn't involve lying or puking. Fine British comedian Hugh Laurie (“Blackadder,” Stuart Little) tries on a serious role for a change in this much-anticipated new medical mystery series. The premise is nothing new, but the cast is pretty solid. And it certainly stands out amid FOX's slumbering schedule.

Wednesday 17

“Retrosexual: The '80s” (VH1 7 p.m.) VH1's new sex-centric flashback series focuses on the '80s with the topic of “Teen Sex.” Having lived through the era as a teen myself, I have to tell you, it was no Porky's.

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