Week In Sloth

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Thursday 5

“WrestleMania’s Greatest Moments” (USA 6pm) Cable hypes us up for the 34th annual WrestleMania event (April 8 on PPV) with this flashback countdown. For my money, the No. 1 slot has to be Hulk Hogan bodyslamming Andre the Giant at WrestleMania 3. But I’m old school like that.

“Jersey Shore Family Vacation” (MTV 9pm) It’s time to confront the fact that we, as Americans, have sinned greatly. And for that affront, some powerful and vengeful god is punishing us. How else to account for the fact that the dude from “The Apprentice” is in the White House and the cast of “Jersey Shore” is back on TV? Please just watch thirtysomething versions of Snooki and Pauly D get drunk and horny at the beach and try to think what it was you did wrong.

Friday 6

“Troy: Fall of a City” (Netflix streaming anytime) This British-American sword-and-sandal miniseries stars Louis Hunter (“The Secret Circle”) as Paris and Bella Dayne (“Humans”) as Helen of Troy.

Saturday 7

Evil Doctor (Lifetime 6pm) Dina Meyer from Starship Troopers is an untrustworthy OB/GYN who manipulates a celebrity couple looking to get fertile so she can seduce the hubby. OB/GYN: yet another patented “Lifetime Profession to Fear.”

Paterno (HBO 6pm) Al Pacino stars as disgraced Penn State football coach Joe Paterno in this scandalous docudrama from director Barry Levinson (Diner, Rain Man).

“Trading Spaces” (TLC 6pm) In the proud tradition of “everything old is new again,” a.k.a. “TV has run out of new ideas,” (see for reference “Queer Eye,” “Will and Grace,” “Roseanne,” etc.), here’s the ninth season of TLC’s much-loved home makeover show. It’s only been off the air for 10 years.

“The 2018 WWE Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony” (USA 8pm) Black tie optional, we’re assuming.

Sunday 8

“Howards End” (Starz 6pm) E.M. Forster’s classy portrait of life in turn-of-the-20th-century England is adapted into a four-part mini-series by writer-director Kenneth Lonergan (You Can Count On Me, Manchester By the Sea).

“Killing Eve” (BBC America 6pm) A desk-bound MI5 officer (Sandra Oh, “Grey’s Anatomy”) decides to hunt down a psychopathic assassin (Jodie Cormer, “The White Princess”). Based on the novels by Luke Jennings.

“Ballmastrz 9009” (Cartoon Network 1am) In the post-apocalyptic future, sports teams play a ridiculously violent game for supremacy. Natasha Lyonne (“Orange Is the New Black”) provides the lead voice for this carnage-filled cartoon, which plays like a smashup of “Superjail!” and Rollerball.

Monday 9

“Amo” (Netflix streaming anytime) Netflix adds its first Filipino show thanks to this drug war drama about a high schooler who gets caught up with drug lords, crooked cops and corrupt government officials.

Tuesday 10

Andre the Giant (HBO 8pm) Between this documentary premiere and all the WrestleMania stuff, pro wrestling is having a hell of a week.

Wednesday 11

“Harry Potter: A History of Magic” (KWBQ-19 7pm) This magical documentary special explores the real-life British Library exhibit, celebrating the 20th anniversary of J.K. Rowling’s famed first novel.
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