Week In Sloth

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Thursday 29

“LEGO Jurassic World: The Secret Exhibit” (KOB-4 7pm) Jurassic World gets an animated prequel thanks to the joke-slingers at LEGO.

“The Wonderful World of Disney: Magical Holiday Celebration” (KOAT-7 8pm) “Dancing With the Stars: Junior” winner Jordan Fisher, sitcom actress Sarah Hyland and sportscaster Jesse Palmer meet up with performers Gwen Stefani, Meghan Trainor, Blacc Aloe and Andrea Bocelli to remind you that a trip to one of several Disneyland resorts would make a fine Christmas gift for the whole family.

Friday 30

“1983” (Netflix streaming anytime) Described as a “dark alt-history thriller,” this Polish series follows a naïve law student and a world-weary detective as they uncover a conspiracy that has tyrannized their country for decades.

“Muppet Bables: A Very Muppet Babies Christmas” (Disney 8am) Disney’s reboot of the beloved ’80s cartoon embraces the holiday.

Saturday 1

The Ice Pirates (TCM 2am) Robert Urich, Anjelica Huston, Ron Perlman, John Matuszak and John Carradine star in this dopey-yet-somehow-beloved sci-fi cult comedy from 1984.

Sunday 2

“Discovery LIVE: Into the Blue Hole” (Discovery 2pm) Sir Richard Branson and Fabien Cousteau, grandson of ocean explorer Jacques Cousteau, take a submersible to the bottom of a deep-ass skinkhole off the coast of Belize.

“Garth: Live at Notre Dame!” (KRQE-13 7pm) Garth Brooks does the holiday concert thing.

“Nightflyers” (Syfy 8pm) George R.R. Martin’s 1980 sci-fi novella about an expeditionary space ship that becomes the nexus of some terrifying and violent events gets expanded into a 10-part TV series.

“The 2018 National Christmas Tree Lighting” (Ovation/Reelz 8pm) Country rock duo Locash, Christian singer/songwriter Matthew West and the Dominican Sisters of Mary are among the handful of performers who agreed to set foot on the grounds of the White House for this year’s celebration. If it’s cold, Trump probably won’t come outside anyway.

“The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Holiday Special” (KOAT-7 9:01pm) The venerable lingerie company may have lost most of its market share and its CEO this year, but at least scantily clad models will be strutting down the runway in primetime to the music of The Chainsmokers and Kelsea Ballerini.

Monday 3

“Pop Up Santa Holiday Special” (Freeform 7:30pm) The Disney-owned Freeform (formerly ABC Family Channel, formerly Fox Family Channel, formerly The Family Channel) celebrates the holiday by having various channel stars show up in public and give out gift cards to random strangers.

“Deal or No Deal—Happy Howie Days” (KOB-4 9pm) Howie Mandel hosts a primetime revival of the old gameshow “Deal or No Deal.” … I’m gonna say “no deal.”

Tuesday 4

“Legends of the Lost With Megan Fox” (Travel 6pm) Transformers actress Megan Fox teams up with Travel Channel for a four-part (don’t strain yourself there, Meg) documentary series exploring the “ancient mysteries, legends and lore of civilizations past.”

Wednesday 5

“Border Live” (Discovery 7pm) Discovery sends its cameras to provide live coverage of the Border Patrol as it sweeps our southern border, tear gas in tow. Hey, if you’re gonna be exploitative, you might as well be timely.
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