Week In Sloth

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Thursday 2

“2019 Miss USA” (KRQE-DT2 7pm) I feel like, rather than choosing the most attractive pageant contestant, we should be choosing the woman who best personifies the year in question. … In which case, Miss USA 2019 would be one messed-up broad.

Friday 3

Suspiria (Amazon streaming anytime) This remake of Dario Argento’s 1977 masterpiece by director Luca Guadagnino (Call Me By Your Name) is boring in some parts and incomprehensibly arty in others. But there are moments amid the “WTF”ery in which he hits on some shockingly visceral imagery. Dakota Johnson (50 Shades of Grey) stars as the innocent American student who lands a scholarship to a West Berlin dance academy filled with avant-garde witches.

“Dead to Me” (Netflix streaming anytime) Christina Applegate and Linda Cardellini star in this black comedy about a hotheaded widow searching for the hit-and-run driver who mowed down her husband.

“Flinch” (Netflix streaming anytime) ’Member “Fear Factor”? Well, here it is with a different title.

“Tuca & Bertie” (Netflix streaming anytime) Lisa Hanawalt (production designer and producer on “BoJack Horseman”) is the creator of this similarly anthropomorphic animated sitcom about “the friendship of two 30-year-old bird women who live in the same apartment building.” Tiffany Haddish and Ali Wong provide the titular voices.

Saturday 4

“The Disappearance of Susan Cox Powell” (Oxygen 8pm) The disappearance and presumed murder of Utah mother Susan Powell in 2009 has garnered a lot of media attention. Here, Oxygen goes the true-crime route, investigating various theories about the still-unsolved case.

Sunday 5

Psycho Stripper (Lifetime 6pm) A week before her wedding, a young bride finds herself stalked by the “brooding, sexy, exotic male dancer” from her bachelorette party. Lady, you really should have hired yourself one of those well-grounded, emotionally stable strippers.

“The Spanish Princess” (Starz 6pm) Based on the books The Constant Princess and The King’s Curse by Philippa Gregory, this British-American series follows the life of Catherine of Aragon, the teenage princess of Spain who was promised to the English throne since she was a child.

Monday 6

“Chernobyl” (HBO 7pm) Jared Harris, Stellan Skarsgard and Emily Watson star in this dramatization of the infamous 1986 nuclear accident and its aftermath in the Soviet Ukraine.

“State of the Union” (Sundance 11pm) Nick Hornby (High Fidelity, About a Boy) and Stephen Frears (Dangerous Liaisons, The Grifters) are the executive producers of this comedy series about a recently separated couple (Rosamund Pike from Gone Girl and Chris O’Dowd from “The IT Crowd”) who meet at a local pub before their weekly marital therapy sessions.

Tuesday 7

“Texicanas” (Bravo 11pm) Basic cable’s latest reality show look into the lives of annoying, rich and overprivileged Americans who like to yell at one another heads to Texas to point cameras at a group of Latina ladies. Among those we’ll be spending time with are a “perfectionist,” a “social butterfly,” a “daddy’s girl” and the owner of an “upscale nightclub.”

Wednesday 8

“Lucifer” (Netflix streaming anytime) FOX’s supernatural crime series (based loosely on the comic by Neil Gaiman) hops over to Netflix for Season 4.
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