Week In Sloth

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Thursday 3

“Chasing the Sun” (Ovation 5pm) Ovation’s new travel series follows “adventure-seeker, former pro surfer and international model” (I think I hate him already) Stephen Jake Friedman as he travels the world meeting people and digging some tasty waves.

“The Holzer Files” (Travel Channel 8pm) Travel Channel’s “Ghostober” (their word, not mine) kicks off by sending a paranormal investigator, a psychic medium, an equipment expert and a researcher to dust off and dig into the old files of “America’s first ghost hunter,” Dr. Hans Holzer.

Friday 5

In the Tall Grass (Netflix streaming anytime) Netflix adapts the horror novella by Stephen King and Joe Hill about a brother and sister (Patrick Wilson and Natalie Wilson—oddly unrelated) who pursue a cry for help into a field of grass in rural Kansas and soon realize there’s no way out.

“Haunted Salem: Live” (Travel Channel 6pm) Unwilling to wait until Halloween Eve like normal, Travel Channel assembles a team of “paranormal all-stars” (including Jack Osbourne, so you know it’s legit) to wander around Salem, Mass. and look for ghosts for four hours.

“Wicked Woods: A Descendants Halloween Story” (Disney 8pm) Mere months after premiering the third movie in its Descendants series, Disney drops a CGI animated holiday special. The previous films definitively answered the question: What if Disney’s greatest villains had teenage kids, and those kids all dressed like they were in a JRPG? Now we have an answer to the question: What if Disney’s greatest villains had teenage kids, and those kids all dressed like they were in a JRPG and were played by Bratz Dolls?

“Freakshow Cakes” (Cooking 9pm) According to cable TV, you can never have too many scary dessert competitions during the month of October.

Saturday 5

“31 Nights of Halloween Fan Fest” (Freeform 6pm) Vanessa Hudgens and Jordan Fisher host this all-star party celebrating the assorted Halloween standbys (Hocus Pocus, The Addams Family, Ghostbusters) the network is airing throughout October. Christina Aguilera sings. Ray Parker Jr. and Dan Aykroyd stop by to celebrate the 35th anniversary of Ghostbusters.

Sunday 6

“Haunted Gingerbread Showdown” (Food 6pm) See Saturday 4 listing (in re: “Freakshow Cakes”) for context.

“Batwoman” (KWBQ-19 7pm) DC Comics’ modern revamp of Batwoman heads to the CW with Ruby Rose (“Orange Is the New Black”) in the title role, left defending Gotham City after the Dark Knight Detective vanishes.

“Kids Say the Darndest Things” (KOAT-7 7pm) Back when Art Linklater came up with this idea for radio (and later television) back in 1945, putting kids in front of a camera was a novel idea. But today’s pre-millennial youth have cameras attached to their phones and millions of YouTube followers. They’re way more media-savvy than you, Oldie McOlderson.

Monday 7

“Retro Report on PBS” (KNME-5 8pm) PBS wisely (though perhaps in vain) combines news and history, connecting today’s headlines to the past.

“Genndy Tartakovsky’s Primal” (Cartoon Network 1am) The Russian-American animator (of “Dexter’s Laboratory” and “Samurai Jack” fame) returns with this violent, five-episode miniseries about a caveman at the dawn of evolution who forms an unlikely friendship with an almost-extinct dinosaur. This graphic tale of prehistoric survival unfolds sans dialogue.

Tuesday 8

The Gift: The Journey of Johnny Cash (YouTube Premium streaming anytime) Hot on the heels of Ken Burns’ PBS-produced examination of the history of country music, YouTube premieres this documentary focusing on the Man in Black himself.

Wednesday 9

“Rhythm + Flow” (Netflix streaming anytime) Netflix gets into the singing competition biz with this rap-based version of “X Factor” hosted by Chance the Rapper, Cardi B and T.I.

“Nancy Drew” (KWBQ-19 8pm) WB brought sexy modern mystery to Archie Comics with “Riverdale,” so why not do the same to 89-year-old teen crimesolver Nancy Drew?
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