Week In Sloth

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Thursday 30

“Ainori Love Wagon: African Journey” (Netflix streaming anytime) In this Japanese reality show, seven men and seven women, all strangers, board a pink bus and are sent on a tour of Africa. The goal: To return home having found true love with somebody else on the bus. … What a great story to tell your grandkids.

“The Stranger” (Netflix steaming anytime) Harlan Coben’s crime novel about about a family man who becomes entangled in a mystery after a stranger makes a shocking claim about his wife comes to life as a limited series starring Richard Armitage (“Hannibal”) and Siobhan Finneran (“Happy Valley”).

Grand Theft Auto Girls (Lifetime Movies & Mysteries 6pm) Nope, not a film about gamer girls who play competitive Grand Theft Auto. Instead, it’s a typical Lifetime melodrama (originally titled Hotwired in Suburbia) about a widowed mother who helps her teenage daughter escape a life of crime after she becomes embroiled in a luxury car theft ring by her high school teacher. People in Lifetime movies all go to way more interesting high schools than I did.

Friday 31

“Ragnarok” (Netflix streaming anytime) A small Norwegian town is experiencing apocalyptic climate changes. Only a superhero can save the them. Fortunately for the townspeople, there’s a high schooler (David Skakston) with supernatual superpowers right in their midst.

“Ted Bundy: Falling For a Killer” (Amazon streaming anytime) Kind of a shame (in a way) that Ted Bundy was such a notorious serial killer. The guy could have been earning serious bank off of all the books, movies, TV shows and documentaries made about him. … Then again, if he wasn’t such a notorious serial killer, nobody would be making TV shows about him.

“The Road to F9: Fast & Furious Fan Fest” (KOB-4 8pm) It’s been four whole months since we had a Fast & Furious movie (Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw). How are you F&F fans coping? NBC helps ease your cravings with an hour-long celebration of all things automotive, CGI-enhanced and physics-defying. Tyrese Gibson and Maria Menounos host. Cardi B, Wiz Khalifa, Ozuna and Ludacris perform. Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster phone in cameos. The ninth film in the series comes out May 22. Try to keep it together until then, guys.

Saturday 1

A Valentine’s Match (Hallmark 7pm) Hallmark Channel gets its Valentine’s Day movies going good and early. Bethany Joy Lenz (“One Tree Hill”) stars as an overworked reality TV host who gets fired and returns to her rural hometown just in time for Valentine’s Day. And wouldn’t you know it? She gets roped into running the town festival’s romantic auction—alongside her hunky ex-fiance (Luke Macfarlane, “Brothers & Sisters”). Wow, I can’t imagine how this crazy situation will play out.

Sunday 2

See “
Idiot Box.”

Monday 3

“Girl Scout Cookie Championship” (Food 6pm) Alyson Hannigan (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) hosts this cooking competition in which chefs are asked to transform Thin Mints, Samoas and the like into over-the-top edible art.

Tuesday 4

“The State of the Union Address 2020” (KRQE-DT2/KOB-4/KRQE-5/KOAT-7/KRQE-13 7pm) Oh, it’s in a state all right.

Wednesday 5

“LEGO Masters” (KRQE-DT2 8:01pm) Host Will Arnett (he was LEGO Batman, ya know) challenges teams of LEGO building champions and celebrity guests (Mayim Bialik, Terry Crews, R2-D2) to, you know, build cool stuff. With LEGOs. Obviously.
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