Week In Sloth

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Thursday 16

“The House of Ho” (HBO Max streaming anytime)
Did you like Crazy Rich Asians? Do you watch “Shahs of Sunset”? If yes to both, HBO Max would like to interest you in a docu-reality series (or “docusoap,” if you prefer) that follows the members of an annoying, rich ethnic family (Vietnamese, in this case) as they do annoying rich people stuff.

“The Secrets She Keeps” (Sundance Now streaming anytime) Sundance’s streaming service imports this Australian psychological thriller about two women from very different backgrounds, both of whom are keeping some explosive secrets. It’s based on the book by Michael Robotham.

“Killer Camp” (KWBQ-19 7pm) The CW’s new reality show competition takes its inspiration from the Friday the 13th movies, sending a bunch of folks to a “summer camp” in the woods where, instead of being voted off the island, losing contestants are “murdered” by a masked killer.

“30 Rock: A One-Time Special” (KOB-4 7pm) Beloved characters from the original series including Liz Lemon (Tina Fey), Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin), Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan), Jenna Maroney (Jane Krakowski), Kenneth Parcell (Jack McBrayer) and more return for a one-time event celebrating “the stories and talent featured in NBCUniversal’s 2020 to ’21 television season.” So, less of a sitcom and more of a snarky sneak preview of NBC’s upcoming fall season. … Eh, we’ll take anything at this point.

Friday 17

“Cursed” (Netflix streaming anytime)
The “illustrated novel” of the same name by Frank Miller and Tom Wheeler gets adapted into a live-action fantasy adventure. It’s basically the umpteenth retelling of the King Arthur legend. A young lady (Katherine Langford from “13 Reasons Why”) teams up with a mercenary named Arthur (Devon Terrell, who played young Barack Obama in the biopic Barry) to deliver a magic sword to some dude named Merlin.

“Cake My Day” (Nickelodeon 5:30pm) “Cakemaker to the stars” Amirah Kassem creates a unique cake and throws a surprise birthday party for one lucky kid each week.

Saturday 18

“My Cat From Hell: Worst Cat-astrophies” (Animal Planet 8:01pm)
Well, you can start with that title.

Sunday 19

Mile High Escorts (Lifetime 6pm) Not to be confused with last month’s Deadly Mile High Club, this made-for-TV cheese fest relates the totally realistic tale of a young woman working for a private airline who learns the owner’s sordid secret following the death of a co-worker.

“The Alienist: Angel of Darkness” (TNT 7pm) Caleb Carr’s smash hit novel got turned into a TNT ‘limited series” in 2018. Now the sequel gets similar treatment. Daniel Brühl, Luke Evans and Dakota Fanning return as the crimesolving trio hunting down killers and kidnappers in late-1800s New York City.

“12 oz. Mouse” (Cartoon Network 1:30am) Matt Maielarro brain-hurtingly absurdist cartoon returns for a surprise third season after 14 years off the air.

Monday 20

“Die Hart” (Quibi streaming anytime)
Kevin Hart stars as a fictionalized version of himself in Quibi’s latest “quick bite” sitcom. Seems that Hart is tired of being the comedic sidekick and wants to land a role in Hollywood’s newest blockbuster action film. So he hires an aging action star (John Travolta) to teach him the ropes.

Tuesday 21

“Street Food: Latin America” (Netflix streaming anytime)
Eh, Netflix comes up with another, generic, just-like-cable-TV docuseries. This one’s about food. Latin American food.

Wednesday 22

“Love on the Spectrum” (Netflix streaming anytime)
Eh, Netflix comes up with another, generic, just-like-cable-TV docuseries. This one’s about dating. Dating people with autism.

“Signs” (Netflix streaming anytime) Netflix heads to Poland to dig up its latest psychological murder mystery thriller. Seems that a fresh murder in a small mountain town bears a striking resemblance to a decades-old cold case, forcing a new police commander to break the town’s silence.

“Happily Ever Altered” (Lifetime 8:03pm) Couples who are about to undergo “major physical transformations” (losing 150 pounds, for example) are separated before their “transformational surgery” and only reunited at the wedding. Sure, it sounds psychologically unhealthy—but at least it’s emotionally manipulative as well.
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