Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 24

See Above.

Friday 25

“I Love the Holidays” (VH1 7:30 p.m.) Celebrities chat about Christmas, Hannuka and New Years. … Do I really need to know if Paris Hilton thinks New Years is “hot” or not?

“Bigfootville” (Travel Channel 9 p.m.) Travel Channel takes an excursion to a small Oklahoma town where many of the town's residents claim to have had encounters with a 9-foot-tall humanoid. I don't even know the name of this town, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say it has a high bar-to-redneck ratio.

Satruday 26

Maticore (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) A vengeful Iraqi unleashes a legendary monster in this Sci-Fi Channel Original movie. … Boy, when the terrorists start turning to the Dungeons & Dragons Monster Manual for inspiration, we're in big trouble.

Sunday 27

“Hollywood Christmas Parade” (WGN 6 p.m.) Christmas is so much more festive when Santa's a tranny, don't you think?

Silver Bells (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) A hunky, widowed Nova Scotia Christmas tree seller (Tate Donovan, “Friends”) travels to New York to find his runaway son. There, he runs into an attractive, broken-hearted widower (Anne Heche, “Ally McBeal”), who no longer believes in the sprit of Christmas. Gosh, I wonder how this is gonna end.

“Denis Leary's Merry F#%$in' Christmas” (Comedy Central 11 p.m.) Denis Leary is joined by his comic pals for a good, old-fashioned holiday special full of singing and dancing and cute animation and, most likely, a whole lot of cursing.

Monday 28

“The King of Queens” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) If you're one of those people who still loves Raymond (even though he's off the air), you might be interested to note that Ray Romano will be guest starring as his now defunct TV persona, sports writer Ray Barone, on tonight's “KoQ.”

“Prison Break” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) Tonight, FOX presents the “fall season finale.” What that means is that FOX didn't exactly plan on having any hit shows this season. Hence, with “American Idol” starting up in January, there's no room for successful shows like “Prison Break.” Therefore, instead of having a finale at the end of the season, “Prison Break” is being kicked off the air until a new American Idol is crowned. “Prison Break” fans, feel free to take out your wrath on all those idiots who watch “American Idol.”

Tuesday 29

“Barbara Walters: The 10 Most Fascinating People 2005” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) Tonight's show includes Tom Cruise, Teri Hatcher, Condi Rice and Lance Armstrong. … If you take the word “fascinating” to mean “overexposed,” then yes, yes they are fascinating.

Wednesday 30

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) After more than 40 years, this is still a certified Christmas classic. Burl Ives, the Abominable Snowman and an elf who wants to be a dentist? How can you go wrong?

“Christmas at Rockafeller Center” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Join all the stars of your favorite struggling NBC shows for the 73rd annual lighting of the world's most famous Christmas tree. There will be Christmas carols and product placement and a visit from Donald Trump. (I'm sure.)

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