Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 8

Three Wise Guys (USA 7 p.m.) It's been a pretty good holiday season for Tom Arnold. This is his second made-for-TV holiday movie in a week! Here, he plays a casino owner who hires three mafia dudes to bump off his mouthy accountant. On the way back from burying the body, the boys run into a pregnant woman named Mary. On Christmas Eve, no less. It was shot here in New Mexico, if that makes any difference to you.

Friday 9

“Dear Santa” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Like “Three Wishes,” “Town Haul,” “Extreme Makeover” and countless other new pseudo-reality shows, this FOX special grants Christmas wishes to whiny Midwest broods. … I've got an idea for a TV show. It's called, “Get a Job, You Lazy Rednecks!” Each week the crew travels to small-town America and berates locals for begging TV shows to solve all their problems.

“I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) At a mere two years of age, this Christmas special has a long way to go before it matches the staying power of the original 1965 “A Charlie Brown Christmas.”

Saturday 10

“Spike Videogame Awards” (Spike 7 p.m.) Samuel L. Jackson hands out awards to deserving polygons.

Painkiller Jane (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Not every comic book can get the Batman/Fantastic Four treatment. Here, for example, is a comic book you've never heard of made into a movie starring Emmanuelle Vaugier (she was in Shadow Warriors II: Hunt for the Death Merchant as well as Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell). It's debuting on Sci-Fi Channel. Enjoy.

“Ice Wars: Battle of the Sexes” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) I don't care how much you jazz it up, CBS. Ice dancing will never be not gay.

Sunday 11

“7th Annual Family Friendly Awards” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) If I were an executive at FOX-TV, I wouldn't be holding my breath for a statue.

“The Smoking Gun TV Year-End Special” (Court TV 9 p.m.) Marionettes, bobbleheads, action figures and puppets act out the most incriminating celebrity stories of the year.

Monday 12

“Elton John: The Red Piano” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Elton John performs live from Caesar's Palace alongside Justin Timberlake and Pamela Anderson. (Why? So he can make himself look more talented in comparison?)

“Comedy Central's Last Laugh '05” (Comedy Central 7:30 p.m.) Comedians joke their way though the top stories of 2005.

Tuesday 13

King Kong (AMC 6 p.m.) AMC gets us in the mood for Peter Jackson's new King Kong film by screening the 1976 remake.

King Kong (TCM 6 p.m.) TCM gets us in the mood for Peter Jackson's new King Kong film by screening the 1933 original. Gee, tough choice. … Stick with the original, kids.

Wednesday 14

“Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) Don't panic, it's the classic 1966 cartoon, not the horrifying 2000 live-action version.

“Great Performances: Cream Reunion Concert” (KNME-5 8 p.m.) Join Eric Clapton and the boys for this one-off concert recorded in May 2005 at the Royal Albert Hall.

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