Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 22

“Master of Champions” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Assuming there’s no game seven of the basketball play-offs, ABC will unveil its new show featuring unusual people and their “Ripley’s Believe It or Not” skills. Tonight, for example, a lowrider car jumps rope, a card-thrower kills fruit and a yo-yo champ does tricks. … Apparently, this show was time-delayed from 1957.

Friday 23

“Spaced” (BBC America 9 p.m.) Before they got famous with Shaun of the Dead , Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright created this weird, original, unbelievably funny sitcom about a man and a woman who rent an apartment under the pretense that they are married.

Saturday 24

“Mystery of the Miami Circle” (KNME-5 7 p.m.) A few years back, some developers in Florida stumbled across an inexplicable stone circle out in the middle of the swamps. Now, archaeologists believe it is evidence of an early Native American civilization.

Sunday 25

Half Light (TNT 6 p.m.) So much for Demi Moore’s post- Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle comeback. In this direct-to-basic-cable thriller, she plays a mystery writer investigating some strange doings in small-town Scotland.

“The Venture Brothers” (Cartoon Network 11 p.m.) Jackson Publick’s brilliant sci-fi/action/superhero spoof returns for a second season (despite the fact that the titular characters were killed in last season’s finale).

Monday 26

“Kyle XY” (ABC Family 6 p.m.) A mysterious teenager with no memories and no belly button (hmmm …) is taken to a juvenile detention facility where he demonstrates amazing mental abilities.

Gone in 60 Seconds (Speed 7 p.m.) This 1974 original may lack the budget and starpower of the 2000 remake, but it also lacks Angelina Jolie in those silly blonde dreadlocks.

Tuesday 27

Glass Trap (Sci-Fi 6 p.m.) A bunch of weekend workers become trapped in a skyscraper when giant radioactive ants attack, turning the whole place into a massive ant farm. You know it’s good, because it stars C. Thomas Howell, who’s appeared in nearly 100 direct-to-video films. Plus, it’s directed by Fred Olen Ray, who gave us Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers . Get the Emmy ready!

“BET Awards ’06” (BET 7 p.m.) Host Marlon Wayans helps hand out statues to this year’s best black musicians, entertainers and sports figures. Unfortunately, the network could only afford one Wayans. They really are more tolerable in groupings of two or more.

Wednesday 28

“Shark: Mind of a Demon” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Fabien Cousteau gets up close and personal with the killers of the deep in a sub that looks and moves like a shark. But, really, doesn’t that title seem a bit harsh for the son of nature-loving Jacques Cousteau?

“Blade” (Spike 8 p.m.) The popular sunglasses-wearing, vampire-killing action hero comes to the small screen with rapper Sticky Fingaz subbing for Wesley Snipes.
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