Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 31

“2006 MTV Music Video Awards” (MTV 9 p.m.) Jack Black hosts; Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake, Panic! at the Disco, Rihanna and Jessica Simpson perform; I feel old.

“Who Wants to Be a Superhero?” (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Oh, Major Victory booted in a major upset! Who will win now: Fat Momma or Feedback? Gotta root for Feedback because he’s from New Mexico and because the final challenge takes our heroes to stunt school. I love me some Fat Momma, but I don’t think she’s got it in her to jump off buildings and stuff.

“Windfall” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) Money can’t buy happiness, a fact reiterated by this NBC summer series, in which a bunch of people win the lottery and proceed to screw up their lives. It all comes to an end tonight.

Friday 1

“Dan Rather: A Reporter Remembers” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) The retiring (as in quitting) journalist offers a candid memoir of his career, his life and our nation’s history, illustrated with clips from the news archives of CBS. Dick Cheney, meanwhile, admires the latest notch in his belt.

Saturday 2

“A Day in the Life of Television: A Museum of Television & Radio Special” (CBS 7 p.m.) Clips from a random assortment of shows, including “The Simpsons,” “Entertainment Tonight,” “ER,” “Everybody Loves Chris,” “CSI” and “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson,” populate some sort of “special.”

Merlin’s Apprentice (Hallmark 7 p.m.) Sam Neill is back in a sequel to the 1998 miniseries. Only this time around he’s more expensive, so Hallmark has added a young apprentice to take up some of the slack.

“NBC Fall Preview” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Ladies and gentlemen, the new season is officially here. Feel free to start your dead pools.

“CBS Fall Preview” (KRQE-13 8:30 p.m.) What? No new “CSI” show?

Sunday 3

“The 2006 Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon” (WGN 9 p.m.) Yup. Still alive.

Monday 4

Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of “Diff’rent Strokes” (KOB-4 ?) Finally! A fictionalized version of all the cocaine-fueled backstage orgies of “Different Strokes.” That Conrad Baines was a wildman!

“Arrested Development” (G4 12:30 a.m.) G4 further evades its “Tech TV” roots by scheduling reruns of FOX’s late, much lamented sitcom.

Tuesday 5

“House” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) In the season premiere, House returns to work after healing from gunshot wounds.

“Guy Walks Into a Bar” (A&E 8 p.m.) Comics, including George Wendt, sit around a bar telling jokes which are played out in sketches. … Oh- kay .

“Nip/Tuck” (FX 11 p.m.) TV’s most cutting-edge plastic surgeons return for a fresh season.

Wednesday 6

“Criss Angel: Mindfreak” (A&E 8 p.m.) Tonight, it’s a salute to the military. During a visit to Vandenberg Air Force Base, Criss makes a hummer disappear, tries to guess a card and produces a special guest from an empty duffle bag. Now, isn’t that better than a visit from Pamela Anderson, boys?
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