Week In Sloth: Dolly Parton, Nyctophobia, And Jimmy Buffett Live On The Gulf Shore

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 1

“Jimmy Buffett & Friends: Live From the Gulf Coast” (CMT 9 p.m.) Jimmy Buffett and a band of what I’m assuming are drunks join the likes of Kenny Chesney, Zac Brown, Allen Toussaint, Sonny Landreth and Jesse Winchester for a concert on the Gulf Shores Parkway to promote tourism. You have BP to thank for this one.

“Ace of Cakes: 100 Episodes of Cake” (Food Network 8 p.m.) Honesty, I’m thinking this special, ninth season premiere episode is only succeeding in pointing out the utter tedium of the show’s premise. Are we really clamoring for “101 Episodes of Cake”?

Friday 2

“America Celebrates July 4 th at Ford’s Theatre” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) Frankly, America’s jumping the gun a little. But at least it’s got Kelly Clarkson, Dick Van Dyke, George Lopez, Lionel Richie, Gen. Colin Powell and the cast of Broadway’s Mary Poppins .

“Miami Medical” (KRQE-13 9 p.m.) And with tonight’s series finale, a show we never realized arrived in the first place goes away for good.

Saturday 3

“Dolly Celebrates 25 Years of Dollywood” (Hallmark 6 p.m.) Follow it up with a heaping helping of Dolly Parton in the 1986 made-for-TV movie A Smoky Mountain Christmas at 7 p.m. It co-stars Lee Majors. In it, “a country singer and a mountain man rescue seven runaway orphans from a sheriff and a witch.” … I swear, I did not make that up.

“Three Rivers” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Between this series finale and the series finale of “Miami Medical,” it’s a bad week to be an actor on a CBS medical drama.

Sunday 4

“A Capitol Fourth” (KNME-5 7 p.m.) Jimmy Smits hosts. Reba McEntire, Darius Rucker and former Duke boy John Schneider perform. … Somehow, this, too, is Obama’s fault.

“Macy’s 4 th of July Fireworks Spectacular” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Justin Bieber will be there. As will the cast of the new Twilight film. Expect lots and lots of screaming!

Monday 5

“Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” (Travel 8 p.m.) Tony kicks off his sixth season in proper style—island hopping in the Caribbean.

Tuesday 6

“Afraid of the Dark” (History 7 p.m.) Yup. Experts trace the history of nyctophobia.

“Warehouse 13” (Syfy 7 p.m.) The second season of Syfy’s “X-Files”-meets-“Hoarders” TV show gets underway.

“Table for 12: Hayes Get a Puppy” (TLC 8 p.m.) So … um, yeah. In this one-hour “Table for 12” special, prolific breeders Betty and Eric promise their kids a puppy if they complete a long list of spring-cleaning chores. … That, my friends, is riveting reality TV.

“Louie” (FX 9 p.m.) Louis C.K. lands a choice cameo—Ricky Gervais as a sarcastic doctor.

Wednesday 7

“The Choir” (BBC America 8 p.m.) After much deliberation, BBC programmers come up with the next minor variation in the singing competition reality show. This time around, the contestants are in a choir!

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