Week In Sloth: “F*Ck, That’s Delicious,” “Downton Abbey,” “Of Kings And Prophets”

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Thursday 3

“The Family” (KOAT-7 8pm) A politician’s young son, missing for a decade suddenly returns home out of the blue, raising suspicions about his identity. Oscar nominee Joan Allen stars in this twisty drama as the mysterious boy’s mother.

“F*ck, That’s Delicious” (Viceland 8pm) Punk rock travel mag/frat boy gonzo journalism source Vice magazine has replaced History Channel 2 with its own brand of envelope-pushing programming. Here, chubby, bearded, white-boy rapper Action Bronson travels the country looking for tasty regional cuisine.

Friday 4

“Paranormal Lockdown” (Destination America 8pm) What possible extra twist could someone come up with to add to the traditional ghost hunter show? Here ghost hunters Nick Groff and Katrina Weidman are locked in allegedly haunted locations for 72 hours straight. That’s three straight days of people screaming “What the hell was that?!? … Oh, nothing.” into a digital camera mic.

Saturday 5

“Mythbusters: The Mythbusters Grand Finale” (Discovery 6pm) After 11 seasons on the air, “Mythbusters” goes out—I’m guessing with a bang.

Sunday 6

“Downton Abbey” (KNME-5 8pm) The popular British drama about post-Edwardian manners and class ends its run after six seasons—probably without explosions of any kind. But hey, ya never know.

Monday 7

“James May’s Build a Car in 24 Hours” (BBC America 7pm) Gearhead James May and friends go behind the scenes at the MINI plant in Oxford, England, to scope out the UK car industry.

“Damien” (A&E 8pm) A&E, which already gave us the TV spin off of Psycho with “Bates Motel,” tries to turn The Omen into a weekly series. Bradley James (“Merlin,” “Homeland”) stars as the sexy, all-growed-up Damien Thorn—who’s suddenly dealing with the realization he’s the Antichrist.

Tuesday 8

“Little Big Shots” (KOB-4 9pm) A bunch of tiny kids compete in yet another televised talent show—because there’s nothing Americans like more than elementary school talent shows featuring kids that aren’t theirs. Steve Harvey hosts. Congratulations, NBC, you’ve done just about everything in your power to ensure I never watch this thing.

“Of Kings and Prophets” (KOAT-7 9pm) British actor Ray Winstone stars as King Saul in this Biblical epic. Some kid named Olly Rix (“The Musketeers”) is Goliath-killing future king David. These Biblical dramas really bring in the audiences these days, but it’s the same stories over and over again. When is somebody gonna write a sequel to that thing?

“Separation Anxiety” (TBS 8pm) TBS adds a “relationship game show” that promises to be “unique,” but sounds pretty much like “The Newlywed Game.”

Wednesday 9

“The Victoria’s Secret Swim Special” (KRQE-13 8pm) Victoria’s Secret models show off their new swimsuit campaign in St. Barts. Also, Nick Jonas performs—which makes it harder to masturbate. Or not. I don’t judge.

“The Internet Ruined My Life” (Syfy 8pm) Each week real, live people who have invoked the wrath of “teh interwebs” are profiled.

“Underground” (WGN 8pm) This new historical drama follows the stories of runaway slaves who seek their freedom on the Underground Railroad.
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