Week In Sloth: From “The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation” To “Bridalplasty”

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 25

See “Idiot Box.”

Friday 26

“Hubworld” (Hub 1 p.m.) Discovery Kids gets rebranded “The Hub” and launches with an hour-long look at upcoming shows like “Transformers Prime” and “G.I. Joe: Renegades”—both of which premiere later this afternoon.

“Young Justice” (Cartoon Network 8 p.m.) DC Comics’ teen sidekicks Robin, Aqualad, Kid Flash and others score their own cartoon.

“TV’s Funniest Holiday Moments: A Paley Center for Media Special” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Host Jane Lynch counts down the top drama, sitcom and TV special moments. Hopefully at least one involves Urkel.

“Spy Wars” (Science 8 p.m.) Dig into the science and history of the spy game as real-life James Bond gear gets deconstructed.

Saturday 27

“Your Pet Wants This, Too!” (Animal Planet 6 p.m.) No, I’m pretty sure my cat doesn’t want a robotic litter box or a talking water bowl or whatever other high-tech, Hammacher Schlemmer-style swag you’re trying to pedal this holiday season. Like all cats, what she really wants is any cat food other than the kind I’m serving her.

Sunday 28

“The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation” (ABC Family 6 p.m.) A French poodle must save the day when inept thieves strike during the holidays. So … it’s Home Alone with a dog instead of Macaulay Culkin. Plus, it stars Paris Hilton, Mario Lopez and Dean Cain. I’m dry heaving already!

“Bridalplasty” (E! 10 p.m.) Yup, E! is premiering its new reality show in which self-loathing brides-to-be compete for pre-wedding plastic surgery. Another notch in the belt for E!’s director of programming, the Antichrist.

November Christmas (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) A small-town community works together to help a couple bring an early Christmas to their sick 8-year-old daughter. See, she’s gonna die before December rolls around and … oh, God. I can’t go on. Even the description is tear-jerking.

Monday 29

“The Event” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) The title of tonight’s season finale episode promises us that “Everything Will Change.” That’s the problem with this rattletrap sci-fi conspiracy series: It spills all of its secrets every week … and then proceeds to make up an entirely new conspiracy plotline the very next week.

Tuesday 30

“Christmas in Rockefeller Center” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Al Roker will help light the giant tree and say at least one inappropriate thing about musical guest Jessica Simpson.

“The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” (KRQE-13 9 p.m.) Adriana Lima, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Candice Swanepoel parade around in their underwear. Katy Perry performs. That’s an awful lot of cleavage for this time of year.

“Strange Days With Bob Saget” (A&E 8 p.m.) Comedian Bob Saget—still trying to make up for his vanilla period on “Full House”—hangs out with bikers, goes looking for Sasquatch and other odd activities.

Wednesday 1

“Storage Wars” (A&E 8 p.m.) OK, so you’ve milked pawn shops and auctioneers to death. Now you’re down to people who buy out old storage lockers?

“Housebound: Trapped Inside” (TLC 8 p.m.) OK, so you’ve milked hoarders and people with OCD to death. Now you’re down to agoraphobes?

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