Week In Sloth: “Macklemore’s Big Surprise,” “The Greatest Event In Television History 3,” Bearing Sea Beast

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Thursday 7

“Inside the Actor’s Studio” (Bravo 6pm) The cast of “Arrested Development” gets quizzed by James Lipton. … Of course James Lipton was in the cast of “Arrested Development,” so I wonder if he’ll quiz himself.

“Macklemore’s Big Surprise” (E! 11pm) Yeah, I like that “Thrift Shop” song as much as the next guy, but I’m not sure I care to hear Macklemore and his fiancé Tricia discuss their struggles and successes for an hour. … Oh, there will be a surprise home makeover involved? Nope, still not convinced.

“The Greatest Event in Television History 3” (Cartoon Network 1 am) After two “failed” attempts (recreating, shot-for-shot, the opening credits to “Simon & Simon” and recreating, shot-for-shot, the opening credits to “Hart to Hart”), Adam Scott tries once more. This time with “Family Ties.”

Friday 8

“JFK: The Final Hours” (National Geographic 6pm) The 50th anniversary “celebration” (if that’s the word) of President Kennedy’s assassination hits NatGeo.

Pete’s Christmas (Hallmark 6pm) Whoa, slow that roll, Hallmark. You haven’t even had the chance to burn us out on cheesy Thanksgiving movies. At this rate, you’ll be screening stupid, Easter-centric romantic comedies by December.

“The Lylas” (WE 7pm) The latest group of people you’ve never heard of but are suddenly obliged to care about because they’ve been given a reality show: The Lylas, a singing group composed entirely of Bruno Mars’ sisters.

Saturday 9

A Country Christmas Story (Lifetime 6pm) OK, I see it’s time for me to start keeping tabs on which network can fit in the most, sappy, Christmas-themed TV movies before Dec. 25. So far it’s Hallmark 1, Lifetime 1.

Snow Bride (Hallmark 6pm) Correction: Hallmark 2, Lifetime 1.

Bering Sea Beast (Syfy 7pm) Jonathan Lipnicki, that kid from Jerry Maguire, stars as a gold prospector who fights underwater vampires off the coast of Alaska. Sorry, Syfy, not Christmasy enough.

Sunday 10

“2013 MTV EMAs” (MTV 8pm) The European Music Awards. Doesn’t mean you’ll see any less Justin Bieber and One Direction.

Killing Kennedy (National Geographic 6pm) Ah, now here’s some fine TV trash with which to mark President Kennedy’s death. This biopic, based on Bill O’Reilly’s heavily reviled book, stars Rob Lowe as Kennedy and Ginnifer Goodwin as Jacqueline.

A Very Merry Mix-Up (Hallmark 6pm) OK: Hallmark 3, Lifetime 1.

Monday 11

“None of the Above” (National Geographic 7pm) Host Tim Shaw takes his experiments to the streets, blowing stuff up and otherwise making science look cool.

Tuesday 12

“Capturing Oswald” (Military 8pm) The Military Channel turns its attentions to the Dallas Police Department and its noble efforts to capture President Kennedy’s killer. … Unless of course, he didn’t kill Kennedy—in which case DPD was just part of the conspiracy.

Wednesday 13

“Secrets of the Dead: JFK” (KNME-5 9pm) PBS, on the other hand, looks into the New York CBS newsroom where, on that fateful November afternoon, Walter Cronkite, Dan Rather, Bob Schieffer, Marvin Kalb and Marianne Means were trying their best to keep up with history.
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