Week In Sloth: “Once Upon A Time” Goes To Wonderland, “Vanilla Ice Goes Amish” And “The Walking Dead” Returns

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Thursday 10

“Alaska Gold Diggers” (Animal Planet 6pm) Every cable channel has a show about gold miners in Alaska. Including Animal Planet. What does it have to do with animals? Absolutely nothing.

“Once Upon a Time in Wonderland” (KOAT-7 7pm) Looking to expand the brand, ABC’s “Once Upon a Time” goes running around Wonderland with a grown-up Alice (All but unknown Brit Sophie Lowe).

Friday 11

“National Geographic Photographers: The Best Job in the World” (National Geographic 6pm) Sometimes you’ve got to squat in a bush in Borneo for six weeks just to catch some stupid bird doing his bird thing. But yeah, it’s a pretty sweet job.

“Made in America” (Showtime 7pm) Ron Howard has never directed a documentary before, but he was a natural choice to helm this look at the life of hip-hop impresario Jay Z. Opie loves his rap, ya know. The film follows the man formerly known as Shawn Carter from smalltime drug dealer in the Marcy Projects to organizer of the massive Budweiser Made in America Festival.

Saturday 12

“Sabrina: Secrets of a Teenage Witch” (The Hub 10am) The Archie Comics character (once embodied by Melissa Joan Hart) gets a computer-animated reboot. And ends up looking like a Bratz doll in the process. Ashley Tisdale of High School Musical fame voices the character.

“Vanilla Ice Goes Amish” (DIY 8pm) I swear on a stack of Bibles I did not make up that title.

Pearl Jam Twenty (VH1 8pm) Cameron Crowe’s musical documentary pays tribute to the famed Seattle band on its 20th anniversary.

Sunday 13

“The Walking Dead” (AMC 7pm) The suddenly swollen cast adjusts to life inside the prison in the 4th season premiere of AMC’s horror smash. Zombies? Just in time for Halloween? You know us so well, AMC.

Monday 14

“True Evel” (Discovery 8:05pm) Discovery Channel examines the dark side of legendary stunt man Evel Knievel. In case you weren’t around at the time, he was one of the manliest men of the ’70s. And the ’70s were chock full of manly men. Oh how the sideburns and mustaches did grow back in the day.

“What!? Bronies” (Logo 11pm) I’m always surprised when I run into people who have no idea what Bronies are. Logo’s freaky-deaky documentary series looks into the phenomenon. If you’re one of those who has been left out of the loop, prepare to be dumbfounded.

Tuesday 15

“The BET Hip Hop Awards 2013” (BET 6pm) Famed Overstock.com spokesperson Snoop Dogg hosts.

Superheroes: A Never-Ending Battle (KNME-5 7pm) This three-hour documentary traces superheroes from their 1930s comic book origins to today’s multimedia blockbusters.

Wednesday 16

“Toy Story of TERROR!” (KOAT-7 7pm) Woody, Buzz and the gang are stuck in a scary roadside motel and are disappearing one by one. What’s behind it … other than the need to spin a popular IP into another profitable holiday special?

Burton and Taylor (BBC America 7pm) Lindsay Lohan’s version of Elizabeth Taylor in Lifetime’s Liz & Dick was good for a guffaw or two. Hopefully Helena Bonham Carter’s portrayal will be a bit more realistic.
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