Week In Sloth: Pauly D Gets His Own Show, As Do Steven Seagal And Dan Savage (But Not Together)

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 29

“The Decrypters” (National Geographic 6 p.m.) Forensic anthropologists solve really cold (as in historical) murder cases.

“Sand Wars” (Travel Channel 7 p.m.) Proving no job is so obscure that it can’t merit two reality shows, Travel Channel gives us a new series about people who build sand castles. (Move over, “Sand Masters”!)

“The Pauly D Project” (MTV 11:30 p.m.) When you think about it, Pauly D is way too fascinating a guy to feature solely on “Jersey Shore.” In this spin-off series, he pursues his burgeoning career as a “celebrity DJ”—which is a full half-rung above “reality show star” on the Fake Career Ladder.

Friday 30

“True Justice” (Reelz 7 p.m.) Actor / reality show sheriff Steven Seagal gets his own TV cop drama. It’s like a dream come true! … For Steven, I mean.

“Magic City” (Starz 9 p.m.) Think “Mad Men,” but with a hotel instead of an advertising agency.

Saturday 31

“Escape Routes” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) In case you’re confused by the incessant NBC plugs, this isn’t some new around-the-world reality competition à la “Amazing Race.” It’s an hour-long commercial for the 2012 Ford Escape. Really.

Sunday 1

“Ultimate Spider-Man” (Disney XD 9 a.m.) In this “Ultimate Universe” reboot of Spider-Man, the teen hero joins forces with Nova, White Tiger, Power Man and Iron Fist to go work for super spy agency S.H.I.E.L.D.—which makes no sense, but does tie in with the new Avengers movie.

“The Killing” (AMC 7 p.m.) So … yeah, you know that fascinating murder case that became progressively less fascinating as Seattle detectives failed to solve it (as promised) last season? Well, it’s back. And I’m sure they’re gonna solve it this season. Unless, of course, AMC renews it for another season.

“Game of Thrones” (HBO 7 p.m.) Season 2 gets underway. I’m just hoping the increasingly badass Daenerys whips out her dragon eggs again.

“Wicked Tuna” (National Geographic 8 p.m.) Sure, sure. Docu-reality shows about catching crab (“Deadliest Catch”, lobster (“Lobster Wars,” “Lobstermen”), shrimp (“Big Shrimpin’ ”), swordfish (“Swords: Life on the Line”), catfish (“Mudcats,” “Hillbilly Handfishin’ ”) and salmon (“Hook, Line and Sisters”) are interesting and all. … But what I’m really craving is a docu-reality show about tuna fishing.

Monday 2

“WWE Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony” (USA 7 p.m.) I do hope news of Hulk Hogan’s leaked sex tape doesn’t cast a pall over the festivities.

Tuesday 3

“Dance Moms: Miami” (Lifetime 8:30 p.m.) Obviously, we’re at that point where sticking a colon and a city name on the end of any mildly successful reality show constitutes a good day’s work in the entertainment industry.

“Savage U” (MTV 12 a.m.) Sex advice columnist Dan Savage teaches you what not to do and how to do it.

Wednesday 4

“One Tree Hill” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) The looooong -running teen soap finally gives up the ghost in a two-hour series finale

“Best Friends Forever” (KOB-4 7:30 p.m.) A fresh divorcée moves in with her high school pal—much to the chagrin of said pal’s boyfriend. Sitcomery ensues.
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