Week In Sloth: Wuthering High School, “Izombie,” “The Royals”

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Thursday 12

ED On Air with Ellen Degeneres” (QVC 8pm) Could Ellen maybe have given her shopping show a name that didn’t remind QVC’s elderly viewers of erectile dysfunction?

Friday 13

“SNL 40th Anniversary Special” (VH1 7pm) In case you missed it on NBC the other week. The “Celebrity Jeopardy” sketch is worth the price of admission. The rest of it, less so.

Saturday 14

Wuthering High School (Lifetime 6pm) What if Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights were set in high school? Given the emo romance, the out-of-control passions and the immaturity, jealousy and poor behavior of the main characters, it kinda already is.

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (TCM 12am) A hooded madman stalks the lovers’ lanes of Texarkana in this (loosely) fact-based account of a 1946 killing spree. This 1976 cult slasher from B-movie maniac Charles B. Pierce ( The Legend of Boggy Creek, The Evictors ) was remade (sort of) in 2014.

Sunday 15

Darby O’Gill and the Little People (TCM 6pm) Turner Classic Movies gets you in the mood for St. Patrick’s Day with this 1959 fantasy starring Sean Connery (who’s Scottish, but whatever). It’s followed at 7:45pm by I Captured the King of the Leprechauns , a making-of special featuring Walt Disney himself.

“The Royals” (E! 11pm) Tired of waiting for the real British royal family to produce more scandal-worthy headlines, E! simply makes up its own fake royal brood (including Elizabeth Hurley as the Queen MILF) and builds a trashy soap opera around it.

Monday 16

“Dinosaurs: The Untold Story” (DFC 6pm) Discovery Family Channel uses new discoveries to reach back in time to examine the survival and evolution of dinosaurs. This new series starts off with—appropriately enough—“The Birth of the Dinosaurs.”

Tuesday 17

“Community” (Yahoo anytime) Dan Harmon’s cult sitcom jumps ship from NBC and ends up on the internet. The dream is alive. #sixseasonsandamovie!

“iZombie” (KWBQ-19 8pm) In this horror comedy series—based on the DC comic of the same name—a young medical resident gets turned into a zombie. Naturally, she seeks out a job at the local morgue for easy access to fresh brains. But the brain-eating transfers the memories of the recently deceased—making our dead girl an ideal crime-solver.

“One Big Happy” (KOB-4 8:30pm) Ellen Degeneres continues to expand her TV empire (see, for reference, “ED” above). In this wacky situation of a comedy, a young fella (Nick Zano) impregnates his lesbian best friend (Elisha Cuthbert) and then marries the hottie girl of his dreams (Kelly Brook).

Wednesday 18

“Barely Famous” (VH1 7:30pm) Erin and Sara Foster, real-life daughters of Grammy-winning producer David Foster, star in this kinda-sorta-but-not-quite-unscripted “docu-comedy” which attempts to parody a camera crew’s efforts to shadow the girls and make a reality show out of it.

“The Sound of Music 50th Anniversary Special with Diane Sawyer” (KOAT-7 9pm) Lady Gaga was only the beginning, people! ABC pays tribute to the classic musical with a one-hour special. Julie Andrews will probably be there. Christopher Plummer? Probably not.
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