Week In Sloth: Yes, It’s “Monster Week”

Devin D. O'Leary
3 min read
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Thursday 21

“Red Nose Day” (KOB-4 7pm) Celebrities including Will Ferrell, Jack Black, Sam Smith, Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Hudson perform to raise funds for 12 children’s charities. The Brits have been doing this for years, apparently, but it’s finally being sent over the pond to us Yanks.

“What the Fung?!” (FYI 7pm) The Fung Brothers (Asian-American comedians/rappers, apparently) travel the country trying to dine well for just $50 a day.

Friday 22

I Was Bitten: The Walker County Incident (Animal Planet 5pm) You see, it’s “Monster Week,” that special time of year when Animal Planet isn’t interested with real creatures and spends its time chasing mermaids and the like. This two-hour special, for example, heads down to Alabama to investigate “an unnatural entity that’s attacking people in the woods outside a small town.”

Saturday 23

“Medieval Monsters” Animal Planet 9:02pm) “With the help of journals handed down by his grandfather, plus his own wits and observations, a monster hunter shares what he considers to be the most dangerous and wondrous beasts of the world.” … See, that doesn’t sound too scientific either.

Sunday 24

The Cannibal in the Jungle (Animal Planet 7pm) This Animal Planet movie is based on the “real-life adventures” of Dr. Timothy Darrow who in 1977 was convicted of cannibalism in Indonesia, but blamed the crime on a previously undiscovered species of human-ape hybrid. … In case you’re wondering: It’s also fake.

“National Memorial Day Concert” (KNME-5 7pm) The 70th anniversary of the end of World War II is celebrated from the National Memorial in Washington, DC. Gary Sinise hosts, of course.

Monday 25

“American Ninja Warrior” (KOB-4 7pm) The seventh season of the extreme obstacle course competition kicks off with the Venice Beach qualifying round.

Grace of Monaco (Lifetime 7pm) Despite an impressive cast (Nicole Kidman, Tim Roth, Frank Langella, Paz Vega, Parker Posey), this 2014 biopic about actress Grace Kelly didn’t really make it into American theaters. Here it is on Lifetime, though.

Texas Rising (History 7pm) A group of Texas “patriots” (including Bill Paxton, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Ray Liotta and Brendan Fraser) seek revenge against Santa Anna’s troops for that whole Alamo thing in this history-based eight-part miniseries.

“The Island” (KOB-4 9pm) If you guessed “summer replacement reality survival competition hosted by Bear Grylls,” you are correct.

Tuesday 26

“I Can Do That” (KOB-4 9pm) Ordinary people try to replicate the actions of talented performers like the Harlem Globetrotters and Penn & Teller—because it’s summer, and new episodes of “The Blacklist” are expensive, so deal with it.

Wednesday 27

“The Briefcase” (KRQE-13 7pm) From the creator of “The Biggest Loser” comes this “amazingly shocking and emotional” game show-esque exploitation in which families facing financial hardship are given a briefcase containing $101,000 and must decide whether to keep it or give it to another family in need. Since that’s not divisive enough, the families involved are all on opposite ends of the spectrum: right-wing conservatives and gay couples, for example.

“Bullseye” (KASA-2 8pm) FOX’ latest slapstick game show finds contestants attempting to win $50,000 by hurling their bodies at a giant target. That’s the long and the short of it.
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