I obviously jest.
Flowers add a bit of fleeting color to the evening, but wine can lubricate conversation, as well as hide a myriad of culinary sins. Now that we've resolved that silly flower idea, how do you decide which wine to take? Don't fear: I've sacrificed many dollars and liver cells to aid you in your wine-buying experience. The main thing is to ask yourself a few key questions before heading to the store:
Who are these people, anyway?
How much do I really like them?
How much bank do I have to blow?
After you've determined your answers, follow this easy list of dinner party scenarios and select your wine accordingly.
2003 Little Penguin Merlot ($6 everywhere): This Merlot is about as close to grape juice as it gets. Think jam with alcohol. Recommended pairing: Peanut butter.
Someone You Don'T Like
Your Pretentious Friends
1999 Les Forts de Latour ($48, Quarters): Yup, I said it—Latour. That sounds good when you say it slowly, doesn't it? This little brother (or second label) to the great Château Latour is an intense, dense, rich, elegant Bordeaux that will give a glimpse into hundreds of years of French wine history. I tasted this one after having another great wine, and it still managed to do special things on my tongue. Would a comparison to a fine French lover be inappropriate? Anyway, don't expect any overt fruit flavors, just balanced power; all the flavors dance in your mouth in a glorious ballet of wine goodness. A bottle of 1999 Château Latour is going for well over $200; some of those grapes had to make their way into this bottle, right? Recommended pairing: Lamb.
Your Pretentious Wine Snob Friends Or Future In-Laws
The True Wine Connoisseur
1998 Dominus Estate Bottled Red ($95, Quarters): One of the most consistent quality producers in Napa, Dominus tops the charts in ratings and price. This vintage, however, is even more special in that you are getting a top-notch, super-premium wine in an off year. What does that mean? Normally a wine of this quality takes a decade or so to mature, but this one—it's ready to go. The usual heavy tannins are now sweet, but no less long-lived. The heady oak has mellowed into a wonderful balance with the deep fruit and cocoa. Your palate is surprised by a wonderful hint of anise, but overwhelmed by a glorious elegant quality that you don't find in young wines. A real wine lover would appreciate the fact that you not only dropped a Benjamin on this one, but selected a wine that was aged and ready to drink for that night's dinner. Recommended pairing: A big high-five for hitting a homerun.