Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
Nothing is quite as special as your birthday week. The arbitrary idea of age is measured by rotations around the sun, carrying meaning just for you. Businesses still find a way to support that dream, giving you the benefits of their labor for free, with specials to help honor your commitment to staying alive up to this point. So, with these borderline depressive views on birthdays in mind, we present the best places to go on your birthday for free stuff. Why this week? No reason. None at all. Certainly not because a specific food editor is turning 30, staring down the barrel of aging for the first real time in their life, wondering what to do now that their twenties are over. Nope, nope, nope.
Tucanos Brazillian Grill (110 Central Ave. SW) is one of the easiest sells for a celebratory dinner reccomendation. It’s a place with elaborate drinks, meat on swords, grilled pineapple, meat on swords, all-you-can-eat chicken hearts and oh yeah, meat on swords. If you’re not sold yet, you never will be. But their Club Tucano’s program will give you a BOGO coupon for an entree on your birthday. That means twice the meat, twice the swords, half the price. So go forth and consume recklessly with this offer. Time is both fleeting and meaningless, so make the most of it, however you can.
Nothing Bundt Cakes (5901 Wyoming Blvd. NE) has an email program to get you a free bundtini for your birthday. No, a bundtini isn’t a martini with a hole in the middle of it, but is instead a cupcake-sized bundt cake. If you’ve never given yourself over to the gluttonous glory of Nothing Bundt Cakes’ ridiculously perfect and moist cakes, you’re missing out. They are crafted with an intent to dissolve any self-control you might have and turn you into a cake-devouring demon who cannot be stopped. Speaking of cannot be stopped, the march of time is also something that cannot be stopped, letting wrinkles and gray hairs overtake you more and more as each second passes. That’s the curse of mortality.
Definitely Not Dan Pennington
Red Robin (yuuuuum!) Gourmet Burgers and Brews (5531 Office Blvd. NE) offer more than you might expect for birthday support from a corporate entity. Get this: You receive a whole freaking burger for free, as long as you’re a part of their email program. No strings attached. No purchase necessary. Just one entire hamburger from the menu, on them. At the cost of selling your email info to them so they can send you a monthly specials announcement, you can save a handful of cash on a Livin’ Fajita Loca burger. This small savings can help you, if accumulated year after year, in purchasing something wonderful for yourself in your old age, like an elaborate coffin or a new coffee maker. The choice is yours.