Aural Fixation: 2011 Local Music Predictions

Local Music Predictions Based On Vast Experience And Nostradamical Premonitions

\ Jan 06, 2011

3 min read

• The municipal “Footloose Amendment” goes into effect on July 1, 2011. Inadvertently passed by City Council members in 2006, the clause bans dancing and “rock and roll music” during the 2011-2012 fiscal year. The local music scene will die, at last fulfilling former Mayor Martin Chavez’ pact with Satan. (LM)

• A business will open in the vacant building at Central and Carlisle that used to house Club Rhythm & Blues and Harlow’s on the Hill. Sadly, due to the “Footloose Amendment,” it will not be a venue. (JCC)

• On a heartrending episode of " Zero Hour Squared," local bluegrass supergroup The Vader Fist Family Band will make a shocking discovery. (Spoiler: All of its members share the same paternal DNA.) Meanwhile, Rick Allen’s Arm will have one of its songs licensed for a Chevrolet commercial. (LM)

• The Dirty Novels will break up twice, only to reform each time; the band will also go through five drummers and two bass players, increasing the city’s population of white boots. (JCC)

• Val Kilmer will debut his new metal band, The Iceman Cometh, at El Paseo in Santa Fe to mixed—and puzzled, but not surprised—reviews. (JCC).

• The long-haired members of Black Maria will grow neck-beards, go vegan and add heritage American instruments (namely the autoharp), effectively becoming a mid-tempo baroque pop act of extremely loud proportions. (LM)

• Novice house DJs’ repetitive assault on Downtown bars will annoy the duh duh duh out of the live music crowd. Unsatisfied rockers will drink more to abate the noise … to no avail. (JCC)

• The inaugural G.G. Allin tribute night at Launchpad will go down in history. Besides racking up a total of 56 Health Department and Zoning Code violations, it will take months, and $3,300 in professional sanitation services, to clean the upholstery. Music promoter Joe Anderson will shed a single tear on KOAT Action 7 News. (LM)

• On a related note, the "Macarena" will be usurped by Albuquerque’s own "shit dancing" as the favored national craze. (LM)

• Oh, Ranger! will finally have a proper reunion show. (JCC)

• Roving bands of DIY venues with ever-changing names and life spans as long as a lady bug’s will pervade the city with discordia concors, obscure touring acts and excellent flyer art. (JCC)