Big Mac Sabbath Attack

Mysterious Band Has Something Cooking

August March
9 min read
Big Mac Sabbath Attack
Mac Sabbath (Jeremy Saffer)
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It was nearly three years ago when this reporter got the news from Mike Odd out in Califas—in El Lay, to be exact. Odd, a fellow whose work up until that point included fronting notoriously nasty yet danceable Cali shock rockers Rosemary’s Billygoat, claimed that he had been exposed to an extra-dimensional entity in the form of a filthy, rocked-out clown called Ronald Osbourne. And he wanted to tell all the world about it. Weekly Alibi was there to hear Odd’s odd rant. And we took note, too, just in case the future required it.

The story so far: Summoned to the blackened basement of a fast food joint in Chatsworth, Calif., Mike Odd was among the first humans to hear the broiling rage and power of Mac Sabbath.

The thing was—as Odd soon discovered—Osbourne and his ragtag collective of otherworldy musicians, including guitarist Slayer McCheese, bassist Grimalice and drummer Peter Criss Cut Fries (also known as the Catburglar), could rock like the dickens. Osbourne told Odd he came from another world—a place that resembles an enchanted forest where hamburgers grow on trees and everything else is stuck in the 1970s—with a message for humans.

Upon further examination, the gratuitously greasy yet gorgeously gritty output of this quartet of rocanrol misfits has a lot more weight than what one might gain by actually eating fast food products. The music lampoons an industry resigned to mediocrity and a citizenry plagued by poor food choices and corporation-encouraged sloth and obesity.

Since the last time I spoke with Odd, Mac Sabbath has practically exploded like an overheated deep fat fryer onto the Teflon surface of America. They’ve also taken Europe by storm; the Royale
con Queso will never be the same, folks. First the band went viral; as this summer spreads itself lovingly like mayonnaise over America, Mac Sabbath is set to conquer what remains of this nation, even if they have to storm every burger stand and rock club in America.

Hearing that the band was due to play a gig in Burque on Sunday, July 28 at a place where real, decent food is featured—and fascinated by this odd turn of events in rocanrol-landia—I dug through my desk until I located Mike’s phone number. And so I rang him up.

Weekly Alibi: Hey, is this Mike Odd?

Mike Odd: It is indeed!

Hey Mike, it’s August March. Remember me? Dude, we talked about three years ago. You told me this cray story about these players from an alternate dimension …

Yeah, I remember you!

I didn’t believe you at first, but now, I’m like thinking seriously about that mierda. It’s been about three years, bud, and you all are one of the top rocanrol bands on Earth, I hear. What the funk!

[Odd laughs maniacally] Weird, right?

Yeah, that’s pretty dang weird.

[more maniacal laughing] It’s amazing.

I am dying to know how that happened, dude.

What, nothing really “happened”!

Oh, come now, my man, first you tell your story to the press and the band becomes a viral sensation on the interwebz. Then Mac Sabbath tours all over the world. And now rock critics are writing about the band like they’re potential—albeit overstuffed—saviours of the planet! They even had a guest shot on “Ozzy & Jack’s World Detour!”

I don’t even know what you’re talking about! [sustained maniacal laughter]. I guess I remember some of that, but I don’t read a lot.

Well, that’s what I’m reading.

I’m glad
someone’s reading it.

Do you mean buying it?

Exactly. What keeps happening is, uh, Black Sabbath. That’s what’s really happening, you know, Black Sabbath is really getting the joke. I hear so many people who are like, “This is a disgrace! It’s shameful!” And I’m like, “They think it’s really great!” We’ve bridged that gap with the holdouts, by the way.

I’m sure there were a few heshers who freaked out at first. But once they heard the band play, they were sold, que no?

That and it helps to have Ozzy come down to watch you perform. Ozzy talked to Ronald and they had their powwow. I think
Rolling Stone covered that. That sort of thing doesn’t hurt.

What’s up for Mac Sabbath this summer? Will you attempt to corrupt more young minds with a combination of fast food and heavy metal?

Exactly, brother! It’s the American Cheese Tour. 37 dates! Okilly Dokilly, a Ned Flanders-themed metal outfit and another amazing American band, Playboy Manbaby, are supporting us.

Ned Flanders, that’s a trip.

Yeah, imagine a group of Ned Flanders head-banging on stage.

But I heard from the dudes at Playboy Manbaby and they told me that Mac Sabbath is holding members of their family hostage until they complete the tour. Any truth to those deep-fried rumors?

I have no comment on that at this time.

Okay, we’ll move on.

There was some resistance at first, but they’re coming around.

They said they liked playing in the tour lineup.

We’ll see.

As far as Mac Sabbath goes, a lot of casual listeners say that this music is all about fast food. But deeper listening reveals a larger motive and very critical discourse about what humans eat. What’s up with that?

Well, Ronald Osbourne and Mac Sabbath created a genre called drive-through metal. People assumed that drive-through metal condones a drive-through lifestyle. But it’s quite the opposite. It’s kinda like everybody thought Black Sabbath was an evil band. But if you really break down the music, they’re just warning you about evil.

And some cryptic references to Christianity …

Yeah right, this is sort of the same flippant situation. You’re looking at these guys on stage, an evil clown, a gnarly cheeseburger, drooling, eating junk food … If you break it all down and listen to the lyrics, what these guys write is very anti-junk food. They’re saying don’t get involved with the fast food lifestyle, don’t do the drive-through thing. Stop and see what’s really in your food. Take note of GMOs, what’s going on with Monsanto in particular—as well as the hypocrisy of the beef industry.

Are audiences ready for that message?

Well when you go to the show, it’s not all lofty or preachy. After rocking out with Mac Sabbath, listeners should go home and do their homework. Do some research. One whole line of a Mac Sabbath song is the 17-syllable chemical name for a common fast food ingredient.

Well then. What’s next for the band? Is there ever going to be a Mac Sabbath album?

One of the things is that this isn’t really a rock band. It’s not like something you can just listen to on your phone. Mac Sabbath is an immersive performance, a lifestyle-changing thing that you really have to experience live.

Is Mac Sabbath performance art?

Yeah, it’s a lot more than a band. Performance art is one of the many things that it is. It’s difficult to explain. I can’t think of any other band that has such a poignant yet high-larious social message to impart to audiences. That’s scary.

And maybe dangerous, too, in the sense that these days, some Americans seem to be falling back on what was once comfortable.

Exactly. So another problem we have is that we have a time-traveling, wormhole-jumping clown in charge of the entire project.

Yeah, how’s that going? Has Ronald adjusted to life on Earth?

Not at all. That’s another difficulty. The thing is, he just can’t understand or even acknowledge any technology beyond what was available in 1979, so it’s difficult going into the studio. We did put out a coloring book though, with a flexi disc inside. But, I’m trying to work these things out; we’ll see what happens.

Why do you think audiences are hungry for the sound of Mac Sabbath?

It’s an arena rock show squeezed onto a little stage. That might sound ridiculous or hilarious or whatever, but the whole set is just spilling off the stage and into the audience so that the audience and the band melt together. Something with that elaborate a stage show is usually seen from a distance. With this band, you’re right up in it.

During these mesmerizing performances—as someone who’s probably backstage as well as in the house during shows—have you ever seen anyone chowing down on some Mickey D’s or Burger Thing while the lads are playing?

[laughs heartily for almost a minute] Weird things happen with food at our shows. Sometimes people offer Ronald burgers. Or we put such offerings on the grill. Sometimes these offerings are thrown at the band.

Offerings, wow. Fair enough. In your opinion what does Ronald Osbourne really want from Earthlings? Why is he really here?

I think that he’s still trying to figure that out. But from what I can see, he’s traveled here from an alternate version of the 1970s to save the Earth from its current state of musical sustenance. He’s here to bring back the time when rock music and food were still organic.

Anything else you’d like to add to your order?

Yeah, come out and see us; melt with us!

Mac Sabbath

Sunday, July 28 • 7pm

Sister • 407 Central Ave. NW

$15 • 21+.

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